January 25, 2010

BABY STEP 21 - Lies and Half-Truths (Jan 21)

“You’re exactly where you want to be.” (Woman whose name I’ve long forgotten)
I don't remember the woman who said that or her name. But I remember how old I was (twenty-one), who I was with at the time (my mother), and my circumstances (divorced and broke and supporting two babies). I especially remember my reaction. I was angry! Incredibly indignantly angry. How dare she say that?!? I didn't want to be broke! I didn't want to be divorced! I didn't want to be a single mother supporting two children on my own!
It wasn't until years later that I discovered the rest of the story. I was so mad that day because I knew that on a conscious level I didn't want any of the things I had in my life, so the words were a lie. What the woman didn't give me was the last half of the statement:
I was exactly where my subconscious self felt I deserved to be.
Ahh. That's a lot different than me wanting to be there.
I've faced a lot of that subconscious, hidden-from-myself-for-years baggage, the baggage that held me back for years, in ways I didn't even imagine. But at some point we have to step out to grasp our my dreams.
If our subconscious finally believes we deserve our dreams, we’ll achieve them.
If our subconscious finally realizes it’s safe to let go of our protective layer of fat, it’ll melt away.
So if you don't like your life the way you're living it--change it. But just be aware that in order to do so, you might need some help.
I want it all--on both a conscious level and a subconscious level. I'm still working on aligning the two--but they've come much closer in the past few years. I’ve begun to reap the rewards for my years of writing, with three books out and others on their way.
This year, I want to become healthy. I want to lean over and be able to breathe at the same time. I want to look at myself in the mirror and not have to use qualifiers.
Let’s begin today to align our two selves, conscious desires and subconscious fears. It will bring you nothing but joy. (After the pain and fear of facing up to it, of course!)

© Copyright 2010 Heather Horrocks

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